Saturday, October 16, 2010

Dulhan wahi to SAAS mann bhaaye ;)

To make them feel like our own mothers most girls have been calling their mother - in - laws 'aho aai' (if you are a maharashtrian sun - bai that is!). But I guess no amount of being a daughter will make you her daughter or her your mother. Found a fantastic example for my belief this week.

My friend is getting married. She is a very genuine person. But unlike her saas she isn't much into shopping & pancaking her face. She is more comfortable being in the background & being quite the same I can understand how one feels if you are pushed into the limelight. This past week was her mother - in -laws birthday. She had office to attend and hence couldnt wish her early in the morning. She called her up at 4 o' clock in the evening, went to her mother in laws place where they had a party for which she cooked. She was late going back home, her father slept and couldnt come to pick her up, so it naturally fell on her mother to go & pick her daughter at 12 in the night in a Rickshaw. All in the in - laws could say was 'we would have dropped you had we known your father was sleeping!' Guess even here you work only on request!

Later in the week over some samosas as we shared confidences, she was telling a friend and me that she would have to quit her job. When asked to explain why, here is what she said....

After telling us the above story she continued: I could not wish my SAAS on time and that was because I was working. My sister - in - law is behind me to finally contract someone for the mehendi ceremony. I havent found the time to do it because I work. If I keep prioritizing my work everytime my in - laws are bound to be offended. 'Not that my SAAS said anything' she quickly clarified but I could guess the unspoken part. The silent treatment is equally irritating if not more than an outright war of words.

Hearing such stories makes me wonder do we ever grow up? Does being an Indian allow us to respect other peoples individuality or are we smothering someone elses dreams & wishes, likes & dislikes by loving them (they call it loving at least) too much.

In India, marriage is like a vicious cycle. A woman kills her own dreams to follow her in - laws commands like a mute cow. When its time for her to be the mother - in - law, its her time to grab the limelight, to make the decisions, to fulfill her wishes which she has kept hidden for so many years as is expected of a dutiful BAHU. And your BAHU is an ADARSH BAHU only if she can be as mute as you had once been. LOVE NEVER GOT MORE SUFFOCATING THAN THIS!!!

No comments: